Scrawls on the Wall

Help me Lord to be patient. That is a cross that I bear everyday and always seem to drop it. It's a thorn in my flesh, impatience, that plagues me and at the end of the day I feel that it's stopped me from loving completely. Whether it's dealing with people at school, work, in public or even at home... And on the road, especially. Haha! Road rage is a problem.

Let me hold on to 1 Corinthians 13 just a bit longer today. I must pass this test of patience.

Not much to write about, that's probably why I'm writing it now. Except that when one of the pastors spoke on Ephesians 4:17-32, it really ministered to my spirit and gave me more direction on where I need to begin this new change in my life.
To live a life that is orchestrated and planned by Christ, I must get rid of so many bad habits that only God can help me with.

I observed one major thing about myself yesterday.

- I wait too long for someone to greet me before I acknowledge them. Maybe because I don't want to be snubbed or rejected. That's got to change if I want to be able to love deliberately.

I need to come up with better title names but after writing an essay on my blog, this will have to do--especially at this late at night.

So today's lesson was about patience and I failed... HAH!

First, I had a pop quiz on patience when my computer started to spazz on me and I was going a bit crazy. I started growling and tapping the tablet with my pen, wanting the blasted object to work as it was designed to work. Finally, realizing myself, I took a deep breath and finally finished the project with ease. But the pop quiz was a major fail on my part.

To think I'd have learned my lesson right... Not quite. My brother texted me right after school let out that he would be staying for tutorials. Most times, I'd roll my eyes but this time, I merely smiled and took it in that I would pick him up soon. Then all of a sudden, not long after he just said he'd be staying after school, the kid calls me about ten minutes later that he's ready to be picked up! I started snapping at him. Without thinking of the lesson on patience until I hung up on him. Eesh... Well, I ended up going to pick him up but again, totally bombed the second pop quiz.

So to add to my list of changes for this new leave of mine, patience has to be a top priority if I'm going to LIVE and LOVE deliberately. God help!

Yesterday was the beginning of my new decision to live deliberately. Was an interesting eye-opener.

Before this week, I used to wait for people to acknowledge me first. I didn't like the feeling of saying hi to someone and they either didn't notice you or are ignoring you. So I normally waited. Now though, I made it a point to greet a person with a smile and ask them genuinely how they were doing. Most weren't surprised though... I guess I'm more outgoing than I thought. Seems I've been saying hi to people even before now.

Another thing that I wanted to change was my selfishness with what I own:

1. My ipod headphones... I get annoyed when my brother asks for it. Somehow, it annoys me when he doesn't ask and takes it without permission. But yesterday, he asked and I said yeah, although it took me a while. Since when did I become so preoccupied and materialistic? It's headphones, for goodness' sake.
2. Also, clothes... Boy I can't stand it when my sisters borrow my clothes (bottoms, tops, jewelry, shoes, belt). Somehow it frustrates me when they wear it without asking. But yesterday and the day before, I just shrugged it off. For goodness' sake, we have the same parents who provide for us. Why be selfish with something as trivial as clothes?

Few times, my siblings teased me about this new change I was making and would try to take advantage of it, but you know... I'll still choose to deliberately LOVE and not be selfish with what I own, how I treat people matters... Especially if I say Christ lives in me.

All this time, I have been wondering to myself why I even opened a LiveJournal account but after the live-changing event that happened this week, I am now sure what this will be. A journal that accounts for the changes I will make in my life from henceforth.

Sounds like a tall order... But I'm very prepared and even more inspired by my brother's life and Jennifer's life. This life is too short to not live in God's purpose. I must achieve what He's sent me to this earth to do. With that said, I'm off to set some priorities and clean house.

The day started out quite nicely. I've been listening to the Katinas "Destiny" CD all day while studying for GRE. I remember why I like them so much, their lyrics are simple but very inspiring.

Today, I decided to stop being a hermit and texted most of my friends. Two I talked to on the phone for a considerable amount of time and it wasn't too bad. I miss being in school and hope to go to a good university for graduate school. Trust me, to those who are rushing out of college, DON'T. It's not that fun staying in the house or working. Enjoy the free time and less responsibilities while you can.

After yesterday when my uncle gave me some confirmation about my dad's words of wisdom concerning engineering for graduate school, I'm thanking God for this opportunity to do what I wanted to do before I got to college. Hopefully, my GRE scores will be great and my letters of recommendation will come in soon. Phew... Applying for grad school is another ball game.

To change the subject really quickly... I've just realized how I don't really appreciate overly-blunt people. My God, it's like their tongues have gone insane and loose in their mouths. To talk about someone so openly and expect a nonchalant or thankful response after you basically tore them down with your words, buddy you are asking for trouble. Truthfully, there is a fine line between sincere honesty and blatant cruel blatancy. Don't cross that line ever, guys. This is a cryptic paragraph but I'm ranting as I type.

Okay... done.